Dave's Top Ten Wackiest Organizations

It's Late Night with David Letterman, and Dave is giving the audience a big, goofy grin.

"What are we doing?" Dave yells, wide-eyed. "Damned if I know!" He grins and turns to Paul who heads the Late Night house band. "Paul, do you know what we are doing?"

Paul leans his head to the side and turns a hand outward. "Well," he begins, "right about now we're slipping into a kind of wacky free-form groove..."

"Uh-HEH! Yeah, right." Dave rolls his eyes. "Hal?"

"Yes, Dave?" answers the program director.

"What the heck are we supposed to be doing?"

"The Top Ten List, Dave."

"Oh, good!" Dave shuffles through some cards on his desk, flicking away bits of confetti. He holds up a card. "NOW we've got something here!" The audience cheers appreciatively.

"From the home office in Portland, Oregon, here's tonight's Top Ten List. Tonight's category: The Top Ten Wackiest Organizations in the Tri-State Area." The crowd laughs. "Are we ready?" asks Dave. "Ready, Paul?"

"Let's do it," Paul croons into his microphone."

"Paul, how about a little accompanying music?" Dave asks. Paul tinkers with his synthesizer and produces some random sounds. "Remember, these would be the WACKIEST organizations in the, ah, Tri-State area," Dave explains with a stern face.

* Number 10: The ACOUSTICAL SOCIETY OF AMERICA

"Acoustical!" repeats Paul, a bit too enthusiastically, as usual. The audience is silent.

* Number 9: The ALBANIAN OWNERS ASSOCIATION

The audience roars. "No Albanians in the audience tonight, I see," Dave observes.

* Number 8: THE SOAP AND DETERGENT ASSOCIATION

"Eheh HA!" Dave laughs.

* Number 7: THE ASSOCIATION OF AVERAGE ADJUSTERS OF THE UNITED STATES

* Number 6: THE WHITE LUNG ASSOCIATION

The audience responds mildly to number six, and Dave gives it a dirty look before continuing. "Number five," he says, glaring at the camera.

* Number 5: THE AMERICAN SOCIETY OF HYPERTENSION

The crowd hoots. Dave shakes his head.

* Number 4: THE AMERICAN HYPNOTISTS ASSOCIATION

* Number 3: THE GREAT GATSBY SOCIETY OF LONG ISLAND

* Number 2: THE INSECT SCREENING WEAVERS ASSOCIATION

"And now, the number one wackiest organization in the Tri-State area..." From the band comes a steady drum roll.

* Number 1: THE AMERICAN SOCIETY FOR PSYCHOPROPHYLAXIS IN OBSTETRICS

The band kicks into a fanfare, while Dave flings the list over his shoulder. The sound of breaking glass is heard. "We'll be back with lots more stuff, so please stay with us, folks." Dave flips more cards at the television cameras as they zoom out.

(This story is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by David Letterman or the Late Night TV show.)

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